At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
