Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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