you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
