I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"