i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
