Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
