Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
