Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
