WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Four minutes until I can fart!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
