Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
