I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
