He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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