I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
