As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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