My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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