I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
