He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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