Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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