Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
