Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
