There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
