Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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