At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
