She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
