Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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