he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
