girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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