Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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