Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
