I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
