his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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