What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
