I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
