maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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