Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's like iHOP with fire
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
