3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
