I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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