I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
