sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
