Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
