I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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