So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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