..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
