she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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