Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
