He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
