remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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