im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
