i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can't motorboat a personality
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
