Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
