I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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