Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
