I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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