I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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