Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
