my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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