yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
