you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize