sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Houston, we have a squirter
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
