I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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