i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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