4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
