1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
