Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
